The Implications Grew as I Grew
As a teenager, I started to step into manhood and I KNEW that I was gay. I didn’t know how I knew… it was just something that I understood and could easily perceive. I KNEW that it wouldn’t always be an easy journey for me, and I was fully aware of what happened to some people who came out.
I KNEW that there were many actors and actresses who were gay, but had not told the world, and I KNEW the reason why they hadn’t come out. They would be (at least they thought they would be) mocked, ridiculed, shunned from Hollywood… a lot of people have experienced a LOT worse, just because they say, “I’m gay.” Basically the same reasons that I didn’t come out for so long.
And I couldn’t help wondering: “Why would somebody choose to hate somebody else for being who they are?”
Throughout this time, I had thousands of similar experiences. This underlying question constantly bugged me: “Why can’t we all just get along?”
I saw a world that struggled to see my perspective, and people who struggled to see other peoples’ perspectives. I saw people in the world who couldn’t understand what it was that I saw. They couldn’t understand what other people saw.
I continued to have experiences with other people that were utterly astounding and completely confusing to me. Even in history class, I learned about events where people fought and killed each other, racial hatred, bigotry, gun violence, prejudices, ‘killing in the name of the Lord’, the holocaust…
And all the while, I continued to ask myself… “WTF?? Why can’t we all just get along?!?!” “Why is it so difficult for people to ‘put themselves in someone else’s shoes??” “Why don’t people realize that each and every one of us have our own unique perspective, and honor that?”
A lot of times I felt that I was in a world where relatively few people actually “got it”. As a result, friends were hard to come by for me for a long time. I did find more friends as I got older, but in order to do that, I often had to adopt their point of view. I had to become a participant in their world and it’s more ‘popular’ viewpoints.
In all honesty, I found more happiness being in my room, listening to music, or reading a book than I did being around other people. But… in order to connect with others, I had to quiet my perspective. I had to hide my viewpoints. I had to hide my true self. On more than one occasion I can remember thinking that I had been born into a world that… I don’t know, wasn’t ready for me yet…. or that it didn’t have the capacity to get out of its own way.